From Earthquakes to Faith
I'm not sure yet where I am going with this post, so I hope that you'll bear with me.
As many of you know, I am an aspiring geologist, which means that I am interested in the earth and how it works. Recently, there have been four earthquakes in the news: one in Haiti, one in Chile, one in Japan, and one in Taiwan (and all of their associated aftershocks, but this post isn't exploring the physics of fault rupture).
There are prophecies in the scriptures regarding earthquakes as precursors to the second coming of Christ. Matt 24:7 speaks of earthquakes in "divers places." A lot of people seem to think that this means that there will be an increase in earthquake activity. This may be so, but that's not what the scripture says. It says that there will be earthquakes in "divers" (which means various) places. As far as I know, there have been earthquakes in divers places for millennia. Mormon 8:30 seems to throw a little more light on the subject. It says that there will be heard of earthquakes in divers places, which suggests to me that we will know about more earthquakes, but doesn't necessarily mean that they will occur more frequently. There is a prophecy about a huge earthquake in Rev 16 that will be unlike any we have seen.
But I'm kind of going off on a tangent here. All of this thought about earthquakes lead me to study a little more about the signs of Christ's second coming. One of the signs made me stop and ponder. In D&C 45:26 (among other places), we read that, "men's hearts shall fail them." I'm sure that this phrase has more than one meaning, as phrases in the scriptures often do, but I think (and Elder Holland seems to agree with me) that among them is the idea that men will lose their faith.
So now you know how I got from earthquakes to faith. But it doesn't stop there. For me, it is impossible to contemplate faith, or the loss thereof, without considering my own.
I suppose that it would be useful at this point to recount the history of my faith.
I was brought up in a home where regular church attendance, scripture study and daily prayers were the norm, so it is needless to say that faith in God was impressed upon me from a very young age. I don't know if it is because of this fact or in spite of it, but I recall as a youth having the feeling that I was being watched; not that creepy feeling that you get sometimes, but that there was some being or beings "up there" who were interested in my life.
When I grew a bit older and decidedly more rebellious, I became unsure of the existence of some divine being and I sought avenues other than the prescribed church attendance, prayer, and scripture study that my parents had tried so diligently to lead me down. In short, I had no faith in a supreme being, and accordingly, I had no use for piety.
During this period of my life, as I would sit pondering, the question of "what if" would often enter my mind. What if there is a God? What if my parent's and Sunday school teachers were right all along? These questions eventually brought me to an idea which I have since learned was first put forth by a man named Blaise Pascal and is known as Pascal's Wager. My version of the wager went something like this:
1. There are two options: either there is a God or there is not.
2. If there is a God, then there is an afterlife, and the manner in which I live will determine how I will spend that afterlife, which is eternal.
3. If there is no God, then there is no afterlife, and the way in which I chose to live will have no personal consequences beyond any that I might encounter within my life, which is finite.
4. If I believe in God and live my life accordingly, and it turns out that God does not exist, then I have lost the opportunity to live my life in manner that is not conducive to Christian values, but it won't mater to me, because if there is no afterlife, I won't be around to regret it.
5. If I believe in God and act accordingly and it turns out that He does in fact exist, then I will spend eternity in a state of happiness.
6. If I don't believe in God and I chose to live my life in a manner other than that of one who upholds Christian values and it turns out that there is no God, then I have lived a life that is incompatible with a belief in God with no eternal consequences.
7. If I don't believe in God and I live accordingly, and it turns out that there is a God, then I will spend eternity in less than ideal conditions.
So, it is plain to see that the risk vs. reward ratio in this situation is in favor of betting on God. If I bet on God and I'm wrong, I lose a lifestyle that would have ended anyway. If I bet that there is no God and I'm wrong, I lose an eternity of happiness.
Of course there are rebuttals to Pascal's Wager, and I've even come up with a few of my own; not to mention that Pascal was likely referring to the Christian religion and probably specifically to the Catholic faith (I might insert Mormonism in my own wager), which excludes many possibilities that others see as viable options. But that's not the point. The point is that this line of reasoning, along with some other influences in my life, set the stage for me to give God a second chance.
This brings me back to faith. Pascal's Wager is all fine and good to start the ball rolling, but salvation, as I understand it, requires a little more than acting as if there is a God. There must be a belief. There must be faith.
Faith is something that has come to me by degrees. My faith lies somewhere in the continuum between sure knowledge and disbelief (see Alma 32:17-34); it dances around among many points in between. I guess, if I am being honest, I have never really had that sure knowledge. I have an acute belief in God, in an afterlife, in the authority of the priesthood that I hold, in the cleansing and enabling power of the atonement; but I'm not unwaveringly certain.
My faith is tried and tested and I often end up with more questions than I do answers; but I do receive assurances, answers to my prayers, comforting feelings, burnings within my bosom. And so I continue on. Some days I live in a way that is more pleasing to my Savior than others, but I never abandon the gospel. I strive to become better. I pray for the necessary strength. I don't always succeed in my attempts. In fact, I often fail.
I guess what I'm saying is that faith, let alone a perfect knowledge, is not something innate within me. It's something that I struggle to retain. And when I say struggle, I mean that it requires effort on my part. If I were to discontinue church attendance, daily prayer and daily scripture study, I have a good idea that my heart would fail me. I would probably no longer see clear to believe in God.
I don't want you to be worried about the status of my faith. I know what it's like to live as if there is no God, and I must say that my life is a lot more fulfilling now than it was then. I am happier (it's kind of funny to think about when you consider Pascal's Wager). I rather prefer my present situation. But maybe you should worry about me. Maybe I should be concerned about you too. After all, the Lord said that men's hearts would fail them, and since I realize that the grip on my testimony is as easy to release as discontinuing a few simple practices, then maybe I'm not the only one. Maybe I'm a bit dense for taking so long to come to this realization. Perhaps this was the motivation behind Christ telling Peter to "strengthen thy brethren."
I want you all to know that I do believe in God. I have felt His love. I believe that Christ died for me. I have felt the cleansing and enabling power of His atonement. I believe that Thomas S. Monson is the mouthpiece of God. I have felt a warmth in my chest and a conviction in my heart that he is the Lord's Prophet. I believe that Christ will come again and I know that many people will loose their faith preceding His arrival. I pray that you will not be counted among them.
Faith can be a fragile thing. What are you doing now or what have you done in the past to strengthen yours? I'm sure that we could all benefit from each other's experiences.
- Martell